Backwards

How can the Greek Community expect to move past the collective stereotypes and negative images when there are fraternities boothing on Ring Road with posters that say "[fraternity name] presents Blackout!" to advertise their upcoming "blacklight" party. Last year they made shirts that said "Blackout with [fraternity name]."
Good idea, now we all look like fools.

How do we define love?

I was randomly thinking about something today, and when it occurred to me, I wondered how I had never considered this idea in the past.

Why are we as people constantly searching for an eternal lover?
You know, that person we hope to one day find, marry, and be in love with forever?

I had always looked at this notion as the norm, hoping to one day find someone like that, start a family, the usual.

But if this concept is dependable, then why are more marriages ending in divorce rather than in adjacent tombstones? Are we striving for an ideal that is almost impossible to achieve? And yes, I know there are couples that have been together for a majority of their lives and can still be happy, but for most of us? Unheard of.

So why do we still strive to find just one ever-lasting love? What if we lived under the mentality that there isn't just one person for us out there? What if the goal was instead to just be happy, and to find love when you can, even if that means beginning the cycle again and again? Maybe we're too stuck on the idea of a soulmate/husband/wife, that we no longer can appreciate or feel comfortable having a multitude of serious lovers indefinitely. I think we are searching for stability, but shouldn't we be able to find that stability within ourselves to not need another person, but still be able to welcome their presence when/if they arrive?

And then I wonder about the way our society structures families. If people didn't marry, but just remained involved in a relationship until it soured, but still had children, then the concept of "family" would alter a bit, too. Though, nowadays most families are like this anyway. But it's interesting that society puts so much focus on the idea of a "family." What if it meant something different? Something less bonded to a small group of blood relatives, but more connected to everyone around you. I'm not sure if this part makes sense. I didn't really think about the family aspect until just now. It's weird to me because I'd barely questioned either of these things. It makes me wonder what other societal traditions I've solidified as "the norm" in my mind, but that don't necessarily need to be considered normal.

Sailing Away

I like to collect greeting cards. I think it's really interesting and cool how a few words tied to some graphics can speak bounds about certain topics...love, tragedy, celebrations, and everything in between. I remember a card I bought back in high school that had a haunting illustration of a ship at sea with the words "horizons change" on the front and "so do we" inscribed inside. It was my favorite card for awhile and I'm pretty sure I ended up giving it to my now ex-boyfriend for our anniversary or something (It didn't really have anything to do with our anniversary, but the card was special to me so I thought it would be better than a cheesy anniversary card, even though it seemed like a breakup card now that I think about it).

Anyway...I've been thinking a lot lately about myself and my surroundings and how drastically each of those things has changed in the past few years. My entire life and perspective have changed incredibly in the past 6-12 months. I try to ponder where the turning point was...what exactly made my views change on certain entities, people, and organizations. Usually I can pinpoint a moment or time when the fork in the road was born, but now I am not so sure. I'm not sad, maybe just a little confused. Actually, I am sad. Only because now I feel like I have to watch a lot of really great people go through the same experiences I have. Sometimes I wonder if they'll come out of it alive, wondering the same things I am. Or maybe they'll get caught too far into the riptide and drown. That's what scares me most. To me, everyone's drowning. To everyone else, they're just splashing around and I'm walking off a plank. Ah well, 6 more weeks and this will all be over (I hope).

What Next?

In the span of less than three months, five countries have been impacted by pretty severe earthquakes -- sometimes devastating. I'm not superstitious and I don't think that things happen for a "reason" necessarily, but a part of me feels like this is only the beginning and the universe has a lot more in store for us.

It's also pretty crazy that all of these natural disasters have been earthquakes. Seismologists must be working 'round the clock trying to figure all of this out. Maybe they knew the earthquakes were going to hit. But maybe they are just as puzzled as we are.

And we shrug at the idea that all of these 'quakes could soon become an overwhelming problem for the earth, but I'm sure the dinosaurs thought the same of the air when it first got a little chilly. At the time dinosaurs existed, people hadn't come into play yet, right? Maybe one day mankind will be wiped away, too, and in time a new being will sprout up like we did. Sounds silly, but is it really that far-fetched? I think we like to laugh at things sometimes because they seem less realistic that way. And maybe I'M being unrealistic, but I think this is all crazy interesting and I'm excited and a little bit nervous to see how things unfold. Maybe I'm reading too much into things. I do that a lot.

Maybe I'm a Ladybug

I hate mirrors.

I like to think of my life as a novel and of myself as the main character.
I was watching a movie on a computer the other day and after awhile, the screen went black like computers do when the mouse hasn't been moved in a bit. And instead of tapping the mouse to see the movie again, I listened and imagined the characters and the setting in my head. And I liked it better that way. It gave my mind room to create an entire story how I want to see it...the right editing, the perfect expressions, and a sense that the atmosphere is familiar because I made it myself. It felt more real to listen to it because I wasn't just staring, I was creating.

And that's how I see my own life a lot. I imagine myself as this character that does different things and I try to see myself from an outsider's perspective, a stranger, a friend. And when I look at myself from within, I imagine someone or something completely different. I am not a five-foot-nine female with brown eyes, a small gap in between two of her teeth, and a semi-pointy nose. I hate seeing myself that way in mirrors. It's almost always a little shocking to see my reflection. I like to imagine myself as anything that seems right at the time. And even when I look in the mirror and remember what my reflection looks like, it doesn't feel like me. It's like reading a good book and imagining what the character's features are in your head and then seeing a new cover a few years later with a painting of the character on the front and they look completely different than you expected. It takes away a lot of the mystery that I enjoy fabricating in my mind. And it's not specific features that I care about; it's not about being prettier or anything-er. It's just about seeing who I am and feeling weird that the mystery of imagination is gone. Perhaps that's why it's rare that you see yourself in your dreams. Your subconscious is giving you the ability to create yourself any way you like.


Sidenote: I bought a one-dollar air freshener and now my entire room smells like a teabag. Pretty good tradeoff from post-rat smell.

I love this job

I really love designing graphics in Photoshop. I used to do it a lot in middle school and high school, but after I got a Mac a couple years ago and never bought Photoshop to go with it, my love for graphic design has become stagnant. But now I get to use Photoshop for SPOP all the time and it's a nice outlet and reminder of something I love. Today, I was at the DOS office working on some stuff with Photoshop, and I started thinking about what criteria you need to meet to fit this SPOP position, since Photoshop skills were one of the last things I considered when I applied. And then I started thinking about all of the other things we've had to do so far and the projects that we're currently working on, and a lot of them are things I took for granted in the past or that I also didn't think of when I applied to be a Coordinator. I really enjoy each task, some are just different than I had assumed.

But then I started thinking about what actually WAS asked of us in our application and interview. Most of the questions tried to gain an understanding of who I am as a person, rather than how punctual I am, what experience I have, and other things that employers often ask of prospective candidates to see how good of a worker they are instead of how good of a person. After thinking about that for a second, it made me really grateful that all of these assignments and duties get pushed on us, but with confidence that we are capable of doing them. The thought of five students planning and implementing a program for 130 staffers and over 4,000 freshmen is crazy. The faith that Mike and Jill have in the Coordinators each year really blows me away. I'm not sure anyone has believed in me right off the bat the way they do. It just really means a lot to know that we could have all been hired with zero Photoshop skills or talents in other areas that we utilize...and that would be OK. I remember asking Mike awhile back if there was some sort of training for this position. He smirked a little and said that there could never really be any training to be a SPOP Coordinator, and that you learn more about the position everyday. Even when you're done, you probably won't know everything there is to know.