Crossroads

Imagine you are a part of something that you once loved, but no longer see the beauty or purpose in. That either the good has been washed away from it, or that your eyes are more clear now and you see the negativity and bad that you were naive to before. What would you do? Would you quit? Would you pull through until it was over? What if you had a choice and you could walk away from it forever? What if walking away meant losing friends and hurting a lot of people? What if walking away had equal potential of being one of the worst or best decisions you have ever made?

Would you do it?

Lucid Dreams

I was talking to one of my friends just now about dreams and she told me about something called lucid dreaming. Basically, you know how when your dreaming, you're usually just kind of there and all of these things are happening around you/to you, but you are not an active participant and can't control them? In a lucid dream, you can control the entire thing. Can you imagine?! Living in a world where you can control your whole life, the surroundings, etc. And I also think it's weird that when we wake up, we forget our dreams almost immediately. It's like we're not supposed to know that another world exists.
My friend and I briefly talked about how to get to that point where you can control your dreams and she said that if you poke your hand repeatedly through out the day over and over again, many times in a row, then you'll do that in your dream and realize that you did that in our world and realize you're in a dream and can do anything. I'm going to do more research but just the thought of this makes me extremely eager and excited for some reason. I've always loved dreams and this makes me love them sooo much more ahhhhhhh does this even make sense?

Reassurance

I am the manager of a Gelato store in Fashion Island. The pay is pretty good for the amount of work it entails, the hours are ridiculously flexible, and the people I work with are pretty cool, but I have worked here for about 4.5 years and I'm starting to get sick of the monotony of it.

Anyway, I am currently working with one other girl, Natalie, and asked her if she enjoyed working here. She said yes, and that compared to her other jobs it's really fun and the people are cool. I agree. Then I asked her if she ever feels like her work here has little purpose. And her answer to that question was something I'd always thought, but never knew if other really felt the same impact of it. She said that even though it's small deeds, we have the opportunity to make someone's day every time we serve them. And that just being nice and attentive truly makes people feel appreciated. She said that she knows this because her day perks up whenever customers are extra nice or sincere to her. I totally agree and I think that's what I needed to remind myself that be it small, I am not wasting my time here. Maybe I don't see the concrete results or know if I'm making an impact, but sometimes you just have to believe that you're doing good.

I love working with intuitive and smart people.

Energy

A quick thought:

By now, I have done 15 SPOP interviews, with each one being vastly different than the others. But during each interview, I notice different things about the individuals, but also the group dynamic. Sometimes, people I personally know that are bubbly and great and interesting, will appear bored, more nervous, and awkward in their interview. For a while, it made me question why that was. But now I've noticed that it largely has to do with the group that each individual is put in -- the other people in their interview. If the majority of the group is energetic and excited, then everyone else seems to perk up more, too. The energy is contagious. If not, then the interview is pretty drab and routine -- there doesn't seem to be much life in it.

I guess this thought stood out to me the most because it reminded me about how each person in our lives has a profound impact on who we allow ourselves to become. If our friends are restraining, then we are restrained. If they choose to be free and open, then we feel safe following suit. My point here is that our lives are created by a little piece of everyone we know. It's like all of our friends, acquaintances, co-workers, bosses, etc toss a tiny ingredient of themselves into a giant bowl of you.

In order to be happy, passionate, wise, anything...we must surround ourselves with people that constantly exhibit those beautiful traits.

A Burst of Energy

Very busy week. Just needed to write for a second to let it out so I can begin my homework and studying.

Hokay, sooo I'm doing SPOP interviews for the next 3-4 weeks (ho.ly.shit). More than 600 people applied, meaning we are each going to be doing somewhere around 60 hours of interviewing, not including the actual selection of staff. And this is on top of working 20 hours a week at my job, being a Vice President in my sorority, being on Panhellenic, and trying to get above a 3.5 this quarter.

And yet, rather than feeling drained, nervous, or worried, I am excited. Excited, because I get to work with 4 other people that feel excited instead of drained, nervous, or worried.

Excited because I am being mentored by mike knox and Jill Halvaks, two people I have immense respect for and constantly feel inspired just to be around.

Excited because every time I walk to the interview room and see someone sitting outside, waiting to be let in for their interview, I imagine myself saying hi to them now, and then giving them a giant hug in 6 weeks at our first training, after they made it on staff.

Excited because sometimes you'll meet a person in an interview that is perfect for SPOP and I am so overjoyed at the thought of being surrounded by 130 people like that, and watching them each grow into something even more beautiful.

Excited to quit my job in four and a half months to work full time for something that I have cared about since my freshman year.

Excited to soon make 130 nametags for each staffer and probably pausing at each one to reflect on how proud I am of them and how moving SPOP will be in their life.

I've only done five interviews so far, so if you see me next week or the week after and I seem worn out, remind me how I pinched myself the morning after I found out I was accepted as a Coordinator because I didn't feel like it was real. Don't let me take this for granted. Remind me that it is real and that I love it. I really do. I hope I never forget that.